Just Under the Surface

“It’s love that makes the world go ’round. And my love for you, just grows with leaps and bounds. ‘Cause you know just what to do, when the world has turned all blue. And I wouldn’t want to live if you didn’t love me…”  “I Wouldn’t Want to Live if You Didn’t Love Me,” Don Williams

I bit my lip and furrowed my brow into the best “I mean business and am serious” expression I could manage. But even as I gave a firm snap of the lead rope after Tuff’s rear leg jerked out of the farrier’s patient hands, Tuff turned his head slightly toward me and I’m pretty sure – no, I’m positive, really – that his eyes twinkled. His eyes softened and so did the knots of tension in my stomach that had just begun intricately weaving together. I bit back a smile so as not to betray the seriousness of my commitment to the farrier to get him to behave and, I can’t be sure, but – I think he may have winked at me.

Bad behavior or not, I can imagine why he resists having his feet handled for long periods of time. Having some of the battle scars that he does, ones that tell of a life filled with pain and challenges, it’s no wonder that he balks at times in wary suspicion. And though the details are missing and his story is largely incomplete, it only takes a moment to remind me of what kind of life he’s had until now. It’s there, just under the surface. Scar tissue that has built up to cover the wounds and hurts of years past. Callouses that seem deadened to the touch, but the cause of which is felt as sharply as when originally inflicted with just the right trigger. If lucky, you have just the vague memory that they are there and only recall their depth on the occasions that life circumstance brings them to the forefront. But the effect may be just the same.

It’s not hard to imagine that this is how it is for my horse. His aloof demeanor sometimes is enough of a reminder for me of what he’s been through. But we’ve been in each others’ lives for almost 6 years now and I sometimes take that history for granted. Although I don’t know the sordid details of his past, those moments of insight are a good reminder to me that the scars are real and the effects profound. My sensitivity to him is heightened as I empathize with my own moments of pain and hurt and I sometimes think we should both have “Handle With Care” labels plastered on our foreheads some days.

But the beauty lies in the fact that the scars are a sign of healing. Layer upon layer of tissue that the body produces to replace “normal” tissue after injury. On the surface an ugly reminder of the wounds we’ve endured, they are yet a visible sign that some healing in fact has taken place. I know Tuff and I both have a ways to go in our process and relationship- at times misunderstanding one another, taking things for granted. But it’s a journey we both continue to take – each in our own ways and time, yet able to learn from and motivate each other. And the more time I spend with him, the more I know that he is absolutely in my life for a reason. I only hope to be able to reciprocate that knowledge and reassurance.

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