Healing together

Working in rescue, the focus is so often upon the saving and healing of the animals who come into your care.  For those who arrive battered and wounded from the neglect they’ve suffered, the need for recovery and tender loving care is all the more apparent.  I think of  horses like Baylee, left in the muck and mire of a round pen with no source of food or clean water, and the transformation that has taken place since she has come into our barn.  This beautiful animal seemed to develop rapidly into a stunning young prospect horse.  And yet, as we sometimes learn, the transformation that a rescued animal must undergo is more extensive than the changes that take place in just their physical appearance.  Baylee still struggles with lameness issues that were brought on as part of the malnourishment she suffered during a key time of development in her young life.  Her journey to complete recovery continues.

As I led my own rescue horse, Tuff, into the round pen the other day, I struggled with the twinges of guilt that I hadn’t devoted the amount of attention to him over the past couple weeks that he deserved.   I counted on him making me pay for this too.  I took a deep breath and attempted to focus - I needed the time with him to be positive, having just struggled through a particularly difficult week myself.  He deserved nothing less than my undivided attention.  Starting with basic groundwork, I encountered immediate resistance.  He held his ground stubbornly.  A swish or two of the tail, a pawing of his front hoof and a set expression all let me know that he wasn’t going to make it easy on me.  The more time I spent, the more I became engrossed in his movements – or lack thereof – and his demeanor.

As mild frustration started to swell within me (really, I just wanted this to be a good day between us), I bit my lip hard and tried to will him to connect with me and what I was asking.  Finally, something broke and released.  I don’t know who experienced it first – although he gave the first outward signal with the shifting of his hind end, I felt a dead weight lift and a sense of calm and intention come over me.  Suddenly his head dropped, his eyes softened, and he let out three deliberate and exaggerated yawns (in the world of natural horsemanship, this was a signal that he was processing, making new connections in his brain).

Something so simple, yet it was enough to send me over the edge – tears welled up and abruptly spilled down my cheeks.  It wasn’t just relief that he finally “got it.”  To me, it communicated the crumbling of a wall between us – he was letting me in and I was finally open to receive it.  As I leaned forward and buried my face helplessly into his neck, he remained still and quiet, just allowing me to be.  I realized in those few moments that he was not the only one in need of tender loving care.  He’s been broken… and so have I.  Working and learning with him has taught me so much about myself, and I sometimes wonder if I give him back a fraction of what he gives me.

The healing can truly be on both sides.  We spend our time, hearts, and energy loving on these neglected, unwanted, and abused animals and so often may miss the lessons and healing they are in turn giving us.  Life is not easy and we all have our battle scars–like so many of them.  Taking the time to understand and walk alongside them on their journey of healing can offer lasting benefits we never may have imagined.

No one ever said it would be easy…

Sometimes, no matter how high your hopes or how pure your intentions, things just don’t go the way you envisioned.   Driving to the barn on a cold and rainy fall evening, I was hopeful that my horse was feeling better after his most recent bout of lameness.  I also hoped to glean some inspiring material for the latest blog entry.   I packed away my camera and anticipated maybe even getting a great shot or two.

After battling traffic for an hour, I arrived and it was nearly dusk.  The rain and dark didn’t make for an ideal photoshoot, so I scurried inside to be near my beloved horse.  The barn was nearly deserted as the horses quietly and contentedly munched on their hay.  Tuff jerked his head to attention in his usual fashion and I knew within three steps that he was feeling no better.  He limped out slowly next to me as I set about to examine and clean his feet.   I have found that there is almost nothing more personally discouraging to me than seeing my horse in discomfort like that.   Next to his hulking and powerful frame, I feel sadly helpless in easing his burden.

As I rummaged through the tack locker to find some bute and sunflower seeds to lift his spirits, I heard a pathetic and sharp series of cries emitting from the nearby tack room.  Kittens.  Molly, a resident stray and elusive as always, had escaped the last vet appointment and delivered a final litter of kittens for the season.  The volume of mewing led me to believe the kittens were at least 4 or 5 weeks old - I was taken aback when I opened the door to see five tiny squirming babies, their eyes barely opened.  Molly had stopped nursing them and they cried out in hunger.  Emily, one of our Leg Up For Kids instructors, suggested I try giving them the formula again.

And try I did.  Sitting on the concrete floor, watching them squirm over my boots and cry out pitifully, I looked desperately at Molly for help.  She shied away each time I placed a kitten helpfully near her.   One kitten stepped into the tiny dish of formula and I watched it spread over the floor.  Molly came up and lapped it up and I exhaled in disappointment.  Emily stated that perhaps she would take them home that evening and try to bottle feed them in order to get them through the night.  I prayed so.

As I led my lame horse slowly back to his stall, I felt downright defeated.  Although Tuff’s mood didn’t seem terribly impacted by the soreness, I grimaced each time I watched him struggle to put weight on that foot.  Then I walked back to hear the cries of the 5 hungry kittens.  The entire drive home, I fretted over the kittens and whether or not they’d survive the night…tears blurred my vision and I wanted to curl up in bed and call it a day.  For about a week.

No one ever said that rescue work was easy.  Logically, I know that.   But I suppose I go into it each time hoping for the natural high that comes with each success story…each animal saved from the brink of death… But there are heartaches too.  Animals that can’t be saved.  Instances of abuse and neglect that can shock even the most seasoned animal welfare worker.  Even small struggles, like listening to the small cries of young hungry kittens, are enough to send someone like me over the edge and morph into a sniffly, tearful mess.

But then I think about Tuff.  And although his struggles with soundness are likely permanent, which I knew going in, his triumphs are far more measurable and impactful.  They tell the true story of who he is and what he’s been through.  We have temporary setbacks all the time and I’m still learning to sort through what he’s been through emotionally as well.  I may never fully know.  But I know that he tries.  His spirit is indomitable and I’d like to think that, at least some of the time, he’s happy now.  He’s permanently etched into my heart.

The kittens made it through the night.  Thanks to the dedication of fellow animal-loving big hearted ladies, they were bottle fed through two critical nights and when returned, Molly accepted them back and immediately began nursing.  I would be lying if I said my eyes didn’t instantly well up at the news.  The anguish of the night before seemed a distant memory.  It’s this.  Moments just like this that keep us going and motivated to take on the next day, filled with heartaches, joy and challenges.  No one ever said it would be easy, but I promise you it’s always, always worth it.

Sweet Justice!

Jake Rider, the owner of Howdy, Lily, and Cody who was charged with 11 counts of animal cruelty was finally sentenced.

He will be spending six months in jail and has been ordered to not own any animals for seven years.

Would we have liked to have seen more? Sure, but we’re happy that the court clearly felt his crime was a serious one.

Half a Cup is Better than No Cup

My aunt referenced the title of this post in a phone message she left for me about how glad she was that we were able to connect on a recent visit, even though it was only for a few hours.  Her message couldn’t have come at a better time.  I was grateful for it for three reasons; for one, it made me laugh. I’m not sure whether she realized it or not, but it was quite a unique spin on the old “glass half-full” adage. Two, of course it was great to hear from her. And three, I really needed to hear such sage advice at that moment.

I know I’ve mentioned it before, but it’s worth repeating: With the current state of the economy our rescue has really been struggling.  Donations have been, and continue to be, far below what we need.  Until recently I’ve been pretty immune–not that I haven’t realized where we are, but I’ve been able to keep a pretty level head and maintain my focus on the here and now.  Although my job title at People Helping Horses is “Volunteer Coordinator,” I support the organization in many different capacities. For the last several months I’ve been working on grant proposals.  And for some strange reason, I actually kind of like doing it too. This is a good thing.  Maintaining my focus on procuring grants has been great for me, the simple act of imagining how much each one could help our organization keeps me from fretting over the decline in donations.

The general grant processing time is about six months from submission of your application to notification.  I began writing grants in February, so the results are trickling in.  Honestly, the news hasn’t been what I had been dreaming up in my head.  The main message has been not that our organization isn’t worth funding, but that’s there’s just not enough money–and, in many cases, no money. I got one of those letters yesterday from a group I was really counting on a few hours before my aunt called.

We’ve got a cup. Despite the disappointment of not receiving all of the grants I’ve been dreaming of, we still have a cup. The Tulalip Indian Tribe gave us a grant that came when we really needed the money.  The Stillaguamish Indian Tribe donated the use of  a pasture, which is saving us thousands of dollars on hay, shavings, electricity, water, and labor.  And of course, even though donations are significantly down, we’re still getting donations!  And of course, we have our phenomenal volunteers. Their time and effort is not only saving money, but inspiring everyone at the barn as well.

So, there you go.  When you think of it from that perspective, at least we have a cup.  At least we have a safe barn for our rescued horses.  At least we have a place where kids living with disabilities can grow and learn. We have a cup, and in good intentions, great people, and the desire to make this world a better place for all horses, ours is overflowing.

Thanks for the cup, Aunt Terrie.

Leftovers

Let’s face it: We all have the best of intentions when we bring home leftovers from a restaurant. But sometimes—most of the time–they get shoved to the back of the fridge and forgotten.

Sadly, the same is true for many senior horses and those retired from riding. We owners are full of good intentions, but when a new horse comes along, so often the old languish and deteriorate, much like that pasta puttanesca hiding in your Frigidaire. The old are seen as an inconvenience at times, especially if the horse begins to have complications requiring extra feed, medication, or special shoes. People see these horses as useless because they can’t be ridden. But are they really?

Leigh Shambo, an advocate for the older horse if there ever was one, is a clinician and owner of the Human-Equine Alliance for Learning. She distributes a monthly e-newsletter that I look forward to reading each month. In it, Shambo tells the fascinating and heartwarming stories of how horses have helped people HEAL. She is practicing proof that horses can help people work through their problems without ever getting on their backs. Here is an excerpt from her website:

Leigh Shambo’s psychotherapy practice and educational workshops incorporate horses to guide clients in search of self-awareness and better relationship skills. An accomplished equestrian coach with a master in social work, Leigh attracts clients interested in personal growth, psychological, spiritual and energy work.

“The most meaningful work for horses today is to guide us in a new language of connection—to nature, ourselves and each other,” says Leigh. She is a skilled facilitator who teaches people about self-awareness and relationships through guided interactions with horses. The horse activities focus on a “horse whispering” model that is easily practiced by people with little equestrian experience, and is also rich with subtle dynamics that bring added insight for those with years of horse experience.

www.humanequinealliance.org

So what does all this have to do with rescue horses? Everything! So many of our rescues come to us with physical and emotional baggage, ready to begin the healing process and move on to a more balanced and humane life. It is not a short or easy road but a very rewarding one to be sure. Note, I did not say anything about riding in their future.

I adopted Red, a horse in his late teens, and while many people would consider him old I, for one, do not. It’s true that, the longer I have owned Red, the more problems we have uncovered. The thing is, I don’t see them as problems; I see them as steps to healing. As each issue is uncovered and treated, he gets better and better. I have not ridden him since the end of May but I don’t miss it at all. We have spent hours together doing physical therapy, training for Parelli level 2, and just enjoying each other’s company. He was cleared for riding again in mid- August, but when I sat on him bareback a few days ago he “told” me he was not ready yet and you know what? That’s ok. There is nothing like having such a close relationship with your horse that they nicker at you when you approach the stall or come running across the pasture when they see you approach. And that is enough. Red has taught me so much about horses—so much about humankind—that I’m thankful to simply be his owner. His friend.

As rescue groups, ours included, struggle to keep their doors open in this economy, we all have to ask the hard question of what to do with older and un-rideable horses. Sunshine is a prime example of one such case. She was abandoned with a herd of horses in Concrete, Washington and has had a baby every year for an unknown length of time. Hard and thankless work to be sure! Now in her mid to late twenties, she is still happy and sound but not without physical characteristics that will probably keep her from being a riding horse again. Spending the rest of her life in our care would not be bad. She would have plenty of food and fresh water but stall life is no life at all unless you have an owner that comes to give you the attention you crave and need. Volunteers can fill some of the void, but it is not the same as having a “person.”

Sunshine deserves the opportunity to see what life can be like when an owner treasures you for who and what you are, despite your limitations—who sees past the dollar signs and simply loves you, well, just because.

Sunshine is one of six horses past their riding prime in our program and in need of forever homes. It is truly amazing to see these horses that have suffered through so much, yet still have years of loyalty and love to give. If you want more information on Sunshine or any of the other wonderful horses in our program, please email me at laura@peoplehelpinghorses.org